This article is general information, not medical or psychological advice. If loneliness is persistent, is accompanied by low mood or anxiety, or feels overwhelming, consider talking with a doctor, therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line right away (in the United States, call or text 988).
Loneliness is common
Loneliness is the uncomfortable feeling that your social connections are fewer or less meaningful than you want. It is different from being alone. Some people live alone and feel content, while others are surrounded by people and still feel unseen. What matters is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you would like.
Nearly everyone feels lonely at some point. It often shows up after a move, a breakup, a loss, a new job, retirement, becoming a parent, or when friends’ lives change. It can also appear with no clear cause. Feeling lonely does not mean something is wrong with you. It is more like hunger: a signal that a human need is going unmet.
Why it can be hard to shake
Loneliness can create a self-reinforcing loop. When you feel disconnected, you may become more sensitive to rejection, expect awkwardness, and pull back, which can reduce chances for connection. Understanding this pattern can help, because it points to a way out: small, repeated steps, rather than one dramatic change.
Modern habits can add to it. Time online can substitute for contact without delivering the same feeling of closeness, and social media comparison can leave people feeling that everyone else has a fuller social life. Technology can also help, for example by keeping you in touch with distant friends, so what matters is how you use it.
Long-lasting loneliness is also associated with poorer well-being and sometimes with low mood, which is one reason it is worth taking seriously. These are associations, and they do not mean that loneliness will inevitably cause harm.
Small steps toward connection
Start where the effort is small. You do not need to become a social butterfly.
Reach out in tiny ways
- Send a short message to someone you have not spoken with in a while: “Thinking of you. How have you been?”
- Reply to a post or message with something personal instead of a quick reaction.
- Say hello to neighbors, shopkeepers or regulars at your usual coffee spot. Short, friendly exchanges can add up to a feeling of belonging.
Go where people already are
Repeated contact in the same place tends to help friendships grow. Consider:
- A class, club, faith community, volunteer group or hobby meetup.
- A walking group or a community garden. Outdoor activities and walking for health can double as a way to meet people.
- A library event, a local sports league, or a book club.
Showing up regularly matters more than being outgoing. Familiar faces gradually turn into acquaintances, and some acquaintances turn into friends over time.
Do something for someone else
Helping others, such as volunteering, checking in on a neighbor, or small acts of kindness, can shift focus outward and create natural connection. Many people find that giving brings a sense of purpose, though the effect varies.
Deepen what exists
Sometimes the better step is deepening a connection you already have. Suggest a regular call, a weekly walk, or a standing coffee. Sharing something a bit more personal than usual often invites the other person to do the same. Talking about your feelings, even briefly, can build closeness.
Be patient with the awkward part
New connections often feel stiff at first. Many people assume others are judging them harshly, when others are usually busy with similar worries. Expect some invitations to go nowhere, and try not to read that as proof that you are unlikeable. Building friendships typically takes repeated contact over weeks or months.
Online and offline
Online communities can be a real source of support, especially if you have a niche interest, limited mobility, or live somewhere remote. Many people find that mixing online contact with some in-person or voice and video contact feels more satisfying than text alone. Be mindful if scrolling leaves you feeling worse. Reducing doomscrolling and setting boundaries for screen use may help you feel more present.
Being kind to yourself
Self-critical thoughts like “I’m just bad at this” tend to deepen loneliness. Self-compassion, which means speaking to yourself the way you would to a friend in the same position, can make it easier to try again after a disappointing attempt.
For older adults and people who are isolated
Loneliness is common in later life and for people with health conditions or caregiving duties. Community centers, senior programs, faith groups and social activity for seniors can help, and phone or video calls are a useful bridge when travel is difficult. If you are worried about an older relative, regular check-ins matter.
When to get support
Consider seeking help from a doctor, therapist or counselor if loneliness lasts for a long time, comes with persistent sadness, anxiety or hopelessness, or makes it hard to function. Therapy can help with the thoughts and habits that keep people stuck, and group therapy or support groups can also provide connection. If you ever feel that life is not worth living, reach out right away to a crisis line or emergency services.
Connection builds slowly. One small step this week, such as one message or one visit to a regular spot, is a reasonable place to begin.